Living in other people's houses.

The Collie is a very laid back sheepdog now!

One of the downsides to being married to a curate is having to live in a house that does not belong to you. Fantastic if you don't already own a house. Superb if you don't want a mortgage. Not so good if you want to make any changes to the house.  Don't misunderstand me - I am very grateful to be housed in the parish where The Curate works, it's just that everything has to go through the proper channels before somethings can get done. 

We have moved from a newly refurbished, extended house where there were double wardrobes in almost every room - including a 'vestment cupboard' in the hall. This was in addition to a coat cupboard. Now as The Curate doesn't own much in the way of vestments - it was an extremely useful cupboard for storing motor bike jackets, waterproofs, boots and helmets! In this present house we have no coat hanging space and rather a lot of heaps of coats - and a special hook for 'the vestments' (one cassock) - which The Curate put up. How can you build a house that has no storage for wet weather gear? -With no porch, no hall and no utility room where do you put wet dogs, muddy boots and wet waterproofs? Suggestions please?

We are still waiting for the trees to be lopped a bit and the hedges to be tamed - a job we would usually do ourselves in our own house. I like gardening so taking on another house where the garden has been left neglected for a while, is an enjoyable challenge. I came up to work on the garden before we moved in and the garden is beginning to look like a garden but without the trees and tall hedges being cut, nothing really wants to grow in their shadow.  

April (Sun)                July (rain)

April (Sun)                July (rain)

April               July

     (Click on photos to enlarge)

Shirley- our resident sheep, looks surprisingly healthy - considering the state of our grass. Unfortunately, the dogs have very little respect for her.

Waiting for a wedding.

The Curate has yet to officiate at his first wedding – one of the boxes that must be ticked as part of his curate’s training.  It should have been this summer but as we have moved parishes, the box remains unticked .  You might count attending the Royal Wedding of local school children – but thinking about it, The Curate didn’t officiate at this very happy occasion either. So, The Curate is still waiting...

People can choose to get married in so many different places today. They can choose from hotels and castles, on beaches and in even in the Natural History museum. Why would they choose a church, especially as the Church of England has decided to raise the cost to £425 for the privilege? ( I appreciate this is nothing compared to the price of some receptions, wedding dresses and honeymoons.)

As I approach our 31^st wedding anniversary, I look back and have no regrets for choosing to be married in church – despite having a husband who had no understanding of being a Christian. His RN Padre did nothing to encourage him to explore this and I married a man who was not baptised or confirmed. Yet this man is now a curate in the Church of England. Had my vicar refused to marry us – would we have chosen somewhere else (if we had had the choice then)? It was very important for me to be married with God’s blessing and for us to make our vows before God. Would a hotel room, a field or a beach have done?  I don’t believe so.

All married in church (not at the same time!) - my 3 sisters and their husbands and my brother and his wife and The Curate and me.

So... what might a trainee curate's wife learn?

It's taken two long years to come to terms with being married to a curate - not something I ever thought was remotely possible when we got married. So what have I learned ?

A first year curate full of optimism

1. I'm never going to get a Sunday morning lie in with Steve Wright without feeling guilty.

2. 'The Curate's wife' is much easier for other people to remember than my name.

3. To keep a supply of cakes and quiches (that look homemade) in the freezer for bring and share suppers.

4. I can hear The Archers omnibus on BBC i player anytime.

5. I can wash, dry and iron The Curate's surplice in 60 minutes (necessary when he cuts his finger and bleeds all over it  - and has another service that day)     

A year later...........

6. I know that to remove lily pollen from a white surplice - you DO NOT get it wet. (Inspect all altar flowers  for lilies and surreptitiously cut out the stamens.)

7. I know that to remove lily pollen from a white surplice you have to use strong sticky tape.

8. Always have an expandable meal because I never know who The Curate might walk through the door with.   

9. The Curate is often around at suppertime and can prepare a meal just as well as me - so I don't have to rush back from work.

10. 'Curate's Time' is an elastic concept of time - never believe "I'll only be a few minutes".

11.  Sit in an inconspicuous place in church (i.e. behind a pillar) so that The Curate cannot see my facial expressions as he delivers his sermons. 

12.  Sit in an inconspicuous place in church (i.e. behind a pillar) so that I do not catch the The Curate's  eye and make him lose his place.

13. Do not answer the telephone in the study unless I have my own pen and paper to hand. It will not be for me and it is impossible to find a writing implement to write down a message because of all the piles files on the desk.

14.
I will add to this list as I remember all I have learned - please feel free to share your suggestions.

I'm on my way!

I'm just taking a deep breath, finishing the school reports and limping to the end of term. After that I'll be up and running and this blog will be ready to roll.....See you soon!!     
Regards H  (The former reluctant curate's wife)